• Columns •
Are There Really 645 Ways to Look Cute?
By Dale Short
Sometimes a guy is just caught speechless.
I'm standing in line to check out at Winn-Dixie when I spy, on a rack, the cover of Seventeen Magazine. The top story: “645 Ways to Look Cute All Summer!”
Now, one would assume that, considering my appearance, I would be all over that info like, as my grandparents used to say, “a chicken on a June bug.” But I resisted. Some concepts are just impossible to get your mind around, right away. Sort of like trying to look at the sun.
So, as the old song says, I walked on by with my pork tenderloin.
But late that night, long after the supermarket had closed, I awoke in a sweat with a frightening thought: These days, pretty much anything that's in print is also on the Internet.
I couldn't get back to sleep until, wracked with a voyeur's shame, I sneaked out to my garage office and booted up.
First hit brought up the cover of the magazine. I hadn't imagined the whole thing, after all. But I looked in vain, in the index, for the story about the 645 ways to look cute. Even an ad for an “enchanted bikini” didn't dissuade me from my quest. Finally it dawned on me that the 645 number included everything in the magazine.
Which I thought was cute.
A quick sample:
of a tricky updo, try this loose ponytail style. It's a pretty way to
play up your natural hair texture!”
By this time I was getting sleepy again, but before I turned off the computer another cover story caught my eye for the first time:
“The Ultimate Secret to a Great Butt.”
I decided I could stay up a little bit longer.
A guy can dream, can't he?
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Copyright © 2010-2014 Carroll Dale Short